Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 10 Num. 66

("Quid coniuratio est?")

Enraged Feminists Demand

(Source for the following is "The Weekly World News" (WWN), available at fine grocery stores everywhere. Due to the nature of the source, readers are advised to take that into consideration when they evaluate what follows.)

"We're fed up with space aliens abducting women and subjecting them to filthy attacks," said Anita Kless, 42, head of an action group called Earth Women Against Alien Brutality. (WWN, 5/27/97)
Tokyo -- Japanese employers are allegedly killing some of their unproductive workers. Here is how the "termination" process is said to work: Workers get evaluated every six months. If their rating is too low, they are put on probation. If a subsequent rating remains sub-standard, the employee is summoned to a special office. It is suggested to him that the "honorable" act he must do is jump out the window, to his death. If he refuses to cooperate, security guards are summoned and, reportedly, he is thrown out the window. (WWN, 5/27/97)
Satanic forces are allegedly taking over the music business, "just like there are evil people who try to influence other businesses all over the world." (WWN, 5/27/97)
"Monkeypox," a virus reported to have a long incubation period (carriers at first difficult to detect) may soon spread from Africa to the United States. The disease is reportedly deadly. (WWN, 5/27/97)
News of an anti-gravity machine comes from London, where scientists say they have used an extremely powerful magnetic field to levitate a frog. Nottingham University physics professor Peter Main claims the magnetic field counteracts gravity. (WWN, 6/3/97)
Latest yuppie craze is reportedly paying $5 entrance fee to watch public executions -- beheadings -- in Saudi Arabia. (WWN, 6/3/97)
Cloning has allegedly been used to replicate an alien, using cells taken from an extraterrestrial killed in the 1947 UFO crash near Roswell, New Mexico. UFO researcher Adrian McCourt reportedly learned of the project from a source inside the Area 51 facility in Nevada. (WWN, 6/3/97)
Gang members in the Bronx, New York, are reportedly heavily armed, with weapons said to include Uzi submachine guns, bazookas, and grenade launchers. (WWN, 6/3/97)
In Los Angeles, some parents are reportedly using electronic collars to restrict their children. The device goes around the child's neck. If he or she tries to cross an invisible electronic perimeter, an electric shock is received. (WWN, 6/10/97)
A strange disease being reported in Africa softens hipbones until victims cannot stand upright. The disease, at present, is confined locally, amongst the Zulu tribe. "It is one of the greatest medical mysteries I know of," claims Dr. Hannes Both of Cape Town. (WWN, 6/10/97)
Reports of space aliens sighted at the former Heaven's Gate headquarters in San Diego, site of the alleged "mass suicide." Law enforcement officials reportedly have been "besieged with calls telling of low-flying spacecraft" in the area. (WWN, 6/10/97)
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